The June Report ... late

 

Here's the June Report coming in a week late ... the computer has been in the workshop. Verdict: malware, picked up from regions unknown. I don't go anywhere to get malware -- the only sites I download from are safe, even the "second tier" ones, like Polyhaven.com, Brushezy.com and VHV.rs -- I know, I checked. From those sites, I download things like HDRI images to use as environment lights for 3D renders, .ABR Photoshop brushes to paint with, and PNG files for combination into projects. Yes, they're free resources, but they're from kosher sites; so ... who knows what's safe these days? Bottom line, it cost me $99 to have the system back home, malware-free and reconfigured to be a) screamingly fast, and b) Win11 compatible...

For some reason, I've struggled this last month. My health isn't what it should be -- pain levels too high, energy levels too low. So I'm not getting the exercise I need, and am noticing that my fitness is slumping. But how do you walk those distances, up hill, on screaming feet and hips? It's getting more difficult as time goes by, and every day my body reminds me that I'm ploughing through my sixties. Not my forties or fifties, my sixties. The thought is enough to chill your blood. Ack. We solider on.

Soooo ... I get out when I can (which isn't nearly often enough; another downside to disability), and get all the walking I can (ditto), and I can only hope the body will improve naturally as spring comes in. This is the dead of winter, after all. The big hope I'd had was that the new camera would be really, really good, and give me the impetus to get out there, hike many miles, get the great photos ... well, it didn't happen. The Panasonic Lumix FZ-80 is something of a compromise camera. They loaded it with technology, but skimped on lens quality, and when it got to high-end technology, again, they shorted the unit. The sensor is too small; the processor is too wimpy; there aren't enough megapixels (they opted for 18MP, not 20.3, as in the TX-90); the lens elements are ... not Leica. And you can tell. Put the whole shebang together, and you get a $450 packet of "Hmmm" moments ... in other words, it's a good stopgap camera, to get me through a couple of years when I simply cannot afford something better. But my sights are set on a range of Nikons, and which I buy in 2024-ish, will be down to how, and even if, my writing is turning into a cash flow!

At the moment, writing isn't turning into cash, but I still have to hope. If you didn't hope, you'd drop the whole effort! I look at Mike and see how he's succeeding ... but I also look at the sheer volume of work he's investing in his career. And I realise how burned out I am. I got through Dark is The Valley, and I seem to have stalled. I don't seem to be able to find the resolve, energy or inspiration to write -- and writing doesn't just happen by itself. So ... art.

And the art is getting better than ever, bigger and more complex, better executed. Yes, of course I've thought about trying to turn art into a cash flow! But the competition there is just as fierce as in the field of writing and trying to sell stories -- the pay checks are about the same, but I doubt there are a tenth as many art (card?) publishers as there are indie magazine publishers, while there are more artists trying to get through the door with them. So yes, I've thought about trying to turn the art into cash, but how can I not be a realist about this? Hmmm.

So ... at the moment art is purely a hobby. It might become more, it might not -- and the same could be said of writing. Both of these hobbies tend to pivot on my state of health, which is a bit dodgy at the moment; and writing is the biggest challenge of all. I know I can do it ... but do I want to? That's the huge question right now. I suspect I'll feel better about it when the Analog issue is published, and my name appears in it. Has to happen sometime in the next six months or so, because the story was accepted on my birthday last year. I tell myself, "Hold on, things will soon look different." And I still trust myself -- more or less. 

...and so ends the June Report, about a week late! 

Random beauty ... remembering Mom

On this of all days, I need a bit of cheering up. This is the fourth anniversary of Mom's passing ... it seems more like four weeks, sometimes, while at other times it's more like a lifetime. So I amused myself for an hour painting over some photos -- while I try to recover from the effects of the Covid vaccine. It drove my immune system to warp speed, and for thirty-six hours I was sure I had full-blown 'flu. It's just starting to get better now, but I still have the headache and fatigue. Not a lot of fun.  There's nothing to add to this ... just "I miss Mom," and "I don't feel well," so I won't dwell.  Time to make some fresh tea and go back to my book. That's the book I'm reading, not (yet) writing. I'm starting to write again, but not a lot, yet, and I certainly don't feel up to immersing myself in a 100k words. Later.  

The May Report

 

Well ... I promised myself some time ago that I wouldn't blog here until I had good news. Not bad news. Not no news at all, but good news ... and here's another month gone by, while I wait for something to blog about! So the addendum to that decision is: I'll blog once at the end of each month, with a roundup of what's been going on, though not in any depth. Yes, autumn has been and gone, all in the space of May! We caught the fall colours at Stirling and Belair NP, fleetingly ... by the end of the month, there was frost on the car yesterday, and we just put the heavy duvet on the bed. Safe to say, it's winter!

The high point in the month was the first week -- vacation week! -- and we headed north to the Flinders and Remarkable Ranges. Ports Wakefield, Germain, Pirie and Augusta, and then north to Wilpena, and east to Alligator Gorge, Bundaleer Forest, and so on. Four wonderful days, staying in a huge caravan named Sundancer, at Port Augusta -- an Airbnb, which worked out marvellously, after an initial hiccup in connecting with the owner. Things were all smoothed out and resolved in no time, which is a credit to Roseanne, when one remembers everything going on in her personal life at the time. We saw and did some amazing things ... even managed to get some decent bird photos --

...though the little beggars didn't make it easy for me, and in fact there weren't very many birds at all in any of the places I could get to. (I'm very lame just now, with problems in both feet, knees, hips and lumbar ... disability is a bummer, but we do what we can). In fact --

That just about says it all! I also didn't see any wildlife, other than a couple of grey kangaroo does, which are a hundred times more commonplace down south here, an absolute plague of locusts at Telowie Gorge, a tiny lizard on a tree at Wilpena -- and ferals. Wild goats, deer, sheep. Nothing else moving in the landscape, which made me sad. So I photographed said landscapes, until --

In closeup, you can actually see how dusty the camera is. Was. The dust got into the lens and jammed it comprehensively. It died on me at Bundaleer Forest, and didn't work for the rest of the trip. Even though I was able to physically pull to lens out and unjam it, now the whole zoom mechanism grinds and growls. The camera isn't 100% dead, but it's close to it. So I spent weeks researching replacements, blew hours on this ... chose the Nikon P900, which I expected to get for ~$850, which is double the price of a new Lumix, and would have given me an 85x zoom! Got to the point of ordering it, only to discover that it's been discontinued. All the stores are now pushing the P950 which is $1200, give or take. Nope. Not right now. In the future, maybe, but the pennies are too tight at the moment, and I can't rationalize spending that much on a camera. Soooo, another Lumix is on the way: the FZ-80, which will give me a 60x zoom, and Leica lenses, and an f/2.8 to f/8 aperture, and a touch screen, and UHD video, and an articulated LCD, all for ~$400, which beats hands-down the nearest competitor, which is the Canon Powershot SX70, at almost double the price. Uh huh. In fact, Australia Post just sent Dave an SMS ... the new camera will be delivered sometime today! Now...

...the spice of life at the time of this writing is actually art! I confess, I'm spending a little too much on 3D goodies to put in front of my virtual camera. But, but, but ... this is my hobby, it's keeping my brain working, and I enjoy art as much or more than anything else at this moment. These are my rationalizations for spending more than I should, funds ripped out of my so-called Dental Fund, that stash of cash that's guarded to pay for dentistry as my teeth go bung one (or two) at a time, as they will, given how ancient I'm becoming! Art?

This is where my mind is at this moment. Images. I can handle images, and I can crunch the numbers to make them go, and digitally paint them in Photohop etc. after they've rendered up on a system that's fast enough to do the work. This PC is amazing. Must remember to give Dave a hug for organizing it for me, six months ago! Art is keeping my brain healthy, although I have to admit, I have "word block." Not traditional Writers' Block, because I can write, no problem (to wit, this blog post!) ... but I can't even edit at this moment. Not in the zone, and can't get into the zone, even though I have ideas galore. Sigh. It'll come back. I have a short story -- Ignis Fatuus -- to tackle, then The Hesperides to finish editing, then Pet Shop Dragons to write, before I get into collaborative projects with Mike. All I need is for my brain, or maybe my muse, to cooperate. In the meantime ... art. While I wait for a my new camera. And in the garden --

...the seasons are so confused, the Monarch caterpillars are starting to cocoon just as winter comes in. It's going to be too cold for the butterflies to manage, I think, when they hatch out. At the same time, the north is having a locust plague, NSW is having a mouse plague, and Victoria is struggling with a new Covid-19 crisis. It's not a happy country, or a happy world. My thoughts have turned inward; I've been looking deeply into Buddhism as I search for "spiritual solace," and discovering how much I disagree with the critical 20% of Buddhism. All spiritual paths, bar none, agree on the broad points (love thy neighbour, including -- or especially! -- one's enemies, do unto others, be kind, always be kind, never cowardly or mean). Those points are just common decency which we share with many animals; there's nothing spiritual or pure about them: just decent. It's when you get into the nitty gritty, the "what's it all for, what does it all mean, isn't there more than this, where am I going next?" stuff ... I've found that I'm at odds with Buddhism as surely as I'm at odds with every path I've looked at, barring one ... Gaia. Safe to say, "I know what I believe," and that'll have to be enough. 

I'll write a proper blog post when something actually happens! For now ... this is the May Report, signing out.